Oh so tired
Turn lights off
Star fish hotel bed
giggling like a young child
Try to make the cold parts warm
Feel lonely in bed
Run over people’s thoughts and opinions
advice on “why you’re single”
Look at all the coulda beens
‘Enlightened people’ – ‘self coined gurus’
say you’ve brought it on yourself
Blame yourself
Get angry
Get upset
Try to block feelings
Realise the feelings are better dealt with
When felt
Feel feelings

I know that I’m not the only woman who will have cried, alone, in the dark.

The tears I’m crying. I’m sure I’ll cry again.
Oh so tired!

I had been stalling writing the second part of my motherhood rant. I couldn’t find the words. The first instalment (Part 1) left me with such a sense of calm that the words weren’t circulating in my head like they usually do.

So on Wednesday after a long day full of work and travelling my bed won over my blog.

As soon as I switched the light out that’s when the above soliloquy happened. I think it was my mind telling me that it was important that I once again step away from the silence and let my voice be heard.

Festering deep within was an anger which was showing itself through tears in the dark. And so I began!

Round Two – Ding Ding Ding!!

Facebook was once again the hotbed of ignorance that had me seething.

My friend had tagged me into a video clip from a TV show called First Dates. In it a young woman not getting her own way on the date she was on decided to leave just before dessert without telling her date and without paying her half. Which in my opinion is a lowly act.

What is lower than this girls actions was the abuse that underpinned the video. You got it – the comments section. Passive aggressive was left at the door, these folk may as well have had pitch forks as no abuse stone was left unturned.

I was left feeling sorry for the girl as her looks came under scrutiny, people were threatening physical abuse and some people turned into Psychologists, making assumptions about her life.

That’s when I saw this:

So a girl leaves a guy halfway through a date and the next thing she’s going to be a single mother ruining her child’s life! Well that escalated quickly!

I was left shaking in disgust. I’m sure I paced around the room and almost threw my iPad against the wall!

Where to start with something so absurd! How to articulate my anger.

Do I start with the person who actually put together this ludicrous piece of bile? Or the countless people behind the thumbs up, agreeing with these stats?

I’m still lost for words at how I can get my point across without slipping into a viscous attack – ending up no better than the pitch fork folk!

Someone out there truly believes that single mothers are the ones helping to keep the prisons full with their offspring.

The statistics don’t delve into the reasons that a mother may be raising a child on her own, how long she had been a single mother or take a look into her background. They don’t look at where the absent father is, how he could be to blame. Nope, the grubby fingers were squarely pointed at single mothers. All tarnished with the same disgusting hate fuelled brush.

Statistics are dangerous! Especially when presented to those that take them at face value.

“Ooh stats don’t lie. It says it right there! Single mother. Bad mother. Witch. Witch. Witch!”

I class myself as a positive realist. I like to look at the bright side of life, spot silver linings in dark days and manage a smile when gravity is against me. But the realist in me ensures I don’t go walking round with blinkers on. I know shit happens – regardless. Not even the most positive mindset can block a shit storm!

So I have a contingency plan. It was a plan that came into fruition to ease my concerns with heading into another year as a singleton.

Armed with proof that a woman can raise a loving, caring, respectful child on her own. I decided that when I reached a certain age I would take matters into my own hands and become a single mum.

Hence coming across the post felt like a venomous attack on me and all the wonderful women I know who are doing it by themselves!

I plan to go down the sperm donor route. I have sat with this idea for a few years and still the plan is strong. I even know the fertility clinic I’m going to use. The age that I decide to do this keeps on changing, as maybe Mr Right is around the corner…………and then another year rolls by!

What I don’t want is to be part of a growing group of women who are having counselling for missing out on the opportunity of being a mother when they wanted to become one. Choosing to wait for that partner, that didn’t come – then it was too late.

Someone I know told me she was on a waiting list to speak to a counsellor about this issue. Women grieving for babies that are no longer possible to have, children they didn’t have the opportunity to love. It breaks my heart.

So when I see posts like this I get mad. I get upset. If it’s not one thing: ‘Older mothers are selfish’. It’s another: ‘Single mothers are bad’.

Well I’ve got news for the haters out there. There’s at least a 50% chance I’ll be both! Come at me!

I’m not sure what the actual purpose of the infographic is for.

  • Was it to anger? They got me.
  • Was it to recruit an army of narrow-minded ignorant followers?
  • Was it to further denounce women?
  • Was it all done in jest?

I don’t know but I do care.

  • I care that a single mother seeing this will add another weight of worries on her mind
  • I care that a woman seeing this who so much longs for a child will be put off from having one
  • I care that social media once again highlights the ugliness of people’s minds

10mths into being vulnerable and I’m having second thoughts about posting this. My opening ramble looks like a mini meltdown. I feel like I’ve stepped into a crowded room, naked! But I believe it’s important to share – for exposure and understanding.

This is a shout out to all the single mothers – I salute you. I know that you’re doing the best you can and then some! I have so much respect for you. Fuck the statistics!!!

Emma x

Instagram: @emmalouhalliday 

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