Greetings and good tidings to 2022.
Entering January 2021 whilst knowing that Covid was going to heavily feature in the year, I took to this blog and with a renewed energy and some belief that although there was uncertainty with Covid, I was certain that I would:
- A) spend more time on my blog than the previous year 2020 in which I had written eight posts, and:
- B) that I would find romantic love due to dedicating my year to doing so.
I can confirm that with both of these, I was extremely successful in…
not achieving them!
I only managed to publish one blog post in 2021, this one was meant to be my second but the days slipped by and my laptop remained closed. So welcome to my first, of hopefully many, blog posts of 2022.
I titled my solitary post last year ‘My Year of Love’ where I dedicated to find myself a partner. You can read it here.
Well the results are in. After reaching 100 matches on Bumble, which equated to 39 conversations, and when I say conversation that is often a stretched exaggeration as some were a mere exchange of pleasantries. Of those conversations, I got to 5 physical dates, meeting a couple of them on more than one occasion and my shortest date was less than an hour!
With those lack lustre stats, I deleted Bumble in June and made the decision that whilst dating apps work well for some people, I wasn’t those some people.
This time I didn’t look back. Not even when the dark and cold nights began to embrace the UK did I waver to try and find a snuggle partner for Netflix and Chill. Or hiberdating – note: I giggled out loud when I wrote that thinking I had created a new word, which on a quick google inspection, I hadn’t and it means something slightly different. Oh well, it seems I’m still quite a way off of getting published in the Urban Dictionary!
Rather than go down the excuse road and explain all the reasons why I haven’t written regularly or haven’t found ‘the one’ or should I say ‘any one’ I decided to take notes on what my Year of Love has actually looked like.
This year has been the year of love in a way that I would never have pre-written. They often say the truth is stranger than fiction, I would add to that, it can be more unique, awe-inspiring, and beautiful.
It was the love of my age! I stepped into a new decade and turned 40, many people wished me many happy returns, telling me my life has just begun. I smiled knowing my life is in a state of continuous beginnings but as the years go by and I get to know myself more, I learn to love myself more.
It was the love of studying but a hate for essays. Going through my first year at Open University where I am doing a Politics, Philosophy and Economics degree. There were times I wanted to quit, I didn’t believe in myself or abilities but I persevered and the results from my 1st year had me beaming!
It was the love of seeing how much I have grown from saying yes to a new job, which came with more responsibilities and challenges and feeling like I had taken a double dose of imposter syndrome most Sunday evenings.
It was the love of moving back to my hometown of Leeds and getting settled into a new home in a new area knowing that I had made the right decision, that was a comfort I couldn’t buy.
It was the love of rekindling friendships and feeling fresh love for old faces. Laughter late into the evenings, building on from where we had left off.
It was the love of being Auntie nobhead to so many of my friend’s children. Seeing them look at me in awe or embarrassment, sometimes both of these at the same time. My heart swelling with pure love at how my friend’s have created such kind and caring beautiful souls.
It was the love of art and appreciation of the naked body and meeting some of the most brave and inspirational women I have ever met.
It was the love of peeling off layers of characteristics given to me by others and creating new ones that fit me a little bit snugger, knowing that like a snake that sheds it’s skin this will be an ongoing process.
It was the love of creating boundaries and being able to stand in my decisions and be strong enough to stick with them if it felt right.
It was the love of getting to travel and explore new places, waking up to fresh coffee in a camper van by the Norfolk coastline, reuniting over wine with friends in Germany and dancing on beaches in Croatia.
It was the love of the community that surrounded me as I dealt with Covid whilst living on my own, the phone calls, the deliveries, the absolute care and well wishes from close friends.
It was the love of getting back into reading for readings sake and getting lost in a book and then lost in the Goodreads reviews sections dissecting the book.
It was the love of being able to fulfil my commitment of being a Maid of Honour aka Chief Bridesmaid and seeing one of my best-friends marry her best-friend not once but twice.
It was the love
It is the love
It is the love of knowing that nerves won’t stop me doing what I want or need to do and that the feeling of elation after achieving it, is worth those moths and butterflies play fighting in my tummy.
It is the love of quietness, darkness, stillness and getting to know my own breath.
It is the love of baring my soul and for it to be taken on with acceptance leaving me the space to bare it some more.
It is the love of relistening to a song on repeat like a child and feeling it hit different each time.
It is the love of that feeling of lust and being able to take the good parts from that and let it be.
It is the love of those that share your excitement, holding it close to their hearts.
It is the love of the new year and what is to come in 2022. Knowing it will be full of wonder and new beginnings.
So, whilst I didn’t find the romantic love of a partner, what I found, felt, gave and received is more than I could ever have wished for.
Big loves to you all out there. I hope that you’ve been able to resonate with some of the loves I’ve received and realised love has been around you too.
I hope that 2022 continues to be full of love for you.
p.s My new year’s resolution for 2022 is to be more patient and organised. If you have any tips on how I can achieve these, please do share in the comments.