Trees, shrubs and houses hurtle past the window. I gaze out, eyes narrowing as the sun bounces off my face. I look up and smile at the blue sky and then I catch my reflection in the glass. Big…..bouncy…..shiny…..curls……..I smile.
Days before this ‘self-love’ train moment, the smile would have been replaced with a wince followed by a few heavy sighs.
A glutton for punishment or someone who loves a change? It was new hairstyle time. Those who know me well or have read my previous blog post – My Kryptonite!My Power! My Hair 💇🏾 – will understand how vulnerable I feel about my hair.
The last post delves into where my hair vulnerability comes from and a big bug bear from me. Ooh mystery – what is it? If you’re intrigued head over to the other post to see if you can spot it.
So what turned my wince into a smile?
I voiced my opinions!
That opinion started off in the shape of a contorted face. Teeth gritted, head to one side, squinted eyes focussing on the mirror. As if looking like a replica of The Hunchback of Notre Dame would make me like my hair more.
My dear hairdresser stood behind me. Patient. Silent.
- “My face looks fat”
- “The hair is too big”
- “I look like I’m from the 80’s”
- “The front is too short”
- “It’s just so different”
Year ago when I first started seeing my hairdresser, Jennie, there was no way I would have even mustered a word. My eyes would have glazed over when the mirror appeared at the end of the session. That voila moment would have had a token ‘I………love it’ response. I would then go home and moan in silence.
I know for certain that I’m not alone here. If not you, then definitely someone you know, has left their hairdresser feeling flat – some never to return to that hairdresser and that is a shame.
“I’ll sleep on it” I look to Jennie, smiling, giving her a big hug.
2 days later, wince still etched on my face each time I caught site of myself – I text….
‘Still not feeling it. Can I come round tonight. x’
The first time I did this I felt all kinds of weird. Like I was criticising her workmanship – when in fact I was showing my insecurities – of which I have plenty. This swiftly subsided when she welcomed me with a big smile.
So, I would like to give thanks to my hairdresser. Not only is she talented, creative and following her dreams. She has opened the door, pulled up a chair and invited me into her life. I’m inspired by her passion, tenacity and positive energy no matter what curve balls life throws at her.
But most of all – I’m grateful that she has given me the space I’ve needed to be able to speak my mind – something I’ve always struggled with.
The courage I’ve gained from getting what I want from my hair has helped to open up and be more honest in other areas of my life.
- Saying ‘No’ when the waiting staff asks “is everything okay with your meal”
- Telling that guy – ‘I like you’
- Admitting that things could be better in a work meeting
As my housemate says ‘A shy boy gets no sweets’
Will I always get sweets? Of course not but not knowing because you didn’t ask is too much of a mind fuck.
And on this occasion I did get the sweets. A few alterations and I’m swishing my hair from side to side – genuinely beaming. And although I love my hair, we both know that after wearing this style for a while – I’ll want a change and we’ll go through this rigmarole once again. Sorry Jennie.
Are there things you want but are too afraid to ask? Come chat to me in the comments.
Big thanks once again to the wonderful Jennie who inspired this post. And thank you once again for allowing me to be me and not running away.
If you’re in London and want your hair doing check her out on Instagram – @zimjenny
Love Emma x