40 days ago I started a challenge which was recommended to me in the book ‘Making Miracles in 40 Days’. To regular visitors to my blog, you may recall me mention my experience of using it before when I visited a fertility clinic (you can read the post here).
Well today was the last day of the challenge. Have I seen miracles? Well that would depend on what you define a miracle to be. Have I seen a change? Hell yes – no matter what your definition of change is. I definitely have.
My miracle was made up of a total shift in mindset and a huge step closer to living uncomfortably ME. Sounds pained. But I truly believe that those that follow their passion live a life that – at most times – is uncomfortable.
There’s the fear of the unknown. Coupled with loud and invisible whispers from others. This can often lead us to choosing to live a compromised life – that we pass off as our truth!
I know this to be true as I did this.
At the beginning of the challenge I asked for my miracle to be in the form of my businesses booming.
I then spent the next 40 days taking 10mins in the morning to write my NON-gratitude list. I held back for the first few days but as I started to open up to myself and become vulnerable, what I was writing began to surprise me. This included not wanting to continue on the path I’d forged for myself for over 3yrs.
I wrote that:
- I was unhappy
- I was bored
- I was unmotivated
- I was uninspired
- I was on the wrong path
I tried to fight the feelings as I really wanted to hold on to my Arbonne business. Hand on heart it is one of the most amazing things to happen in my life. After a week of scribing about ‘wanting to leave’ I asked myself the question: “Would I still be doing Arbonne if I won one million pounds?”. It was a strong No!!
I finally accepted the message. I could see clearly that this chapter had come to an end. To stay – would be giving it approval to smother my dreams!
A whole weight, which I didn’t know I was even carrying, was lifted. And for the first time in a long time – I was looking at the world from a different perspective.
I also knew the time was right to pursue my passion. One that I’ve never thought of as more than an ardent hobby.
I was going to be a writer!
It scared me to actually admit that. I had no plan. No ideas. No clear vision. I just knew the time was right to write.
Telling people brought with it a rush of different feelings. With some it felt like I was breaking up with them. Others I felt like a quitter. One friend told me I was brave – which may seem like an odd comment to those that don’t understand the network marketing industry.
Because with Arbonne I’m working with friends. I’m part of a team. I have clear guidance. Great support. A path to follow. People leading the way. Leaving the security of all this to go into the unknown – was quite brave.
My passion brings with it the opposite. With my writing I am laid out bare. Each word I scribe uncovering a part of me. Leaving me naked and up for scrutiny!
It scares the hell out of me – to even just admit I’m chasing a goal like this.
I am a writer. I’ve always known it. As a child I loved to write but I didn’t believe someone like me could be a writer. So I wrote, mainly in secret, and slowly my dreams faded away.
There have been so many signs through the years – subtly telling me “you can do it”. Oportunities presented themselves – and I took them.
It was a sign when:
- I won a poetry competition when I was 15.
- I attended a creative writing course and was told that I had natural writing talent by the tutor.
- I fell into a job as a festival and gig reviewer.
- I helped pay my way around South America by writing articles, reviews and bios for other people. This included a gig watching porn to write overviews of the videos! (lonely housewife turns sultry madam for the randy postman) – I kid you not!!
But – pursue I didn’t. I retreated back to safety as:
- I fear criticism
- I fear rejection
- I fear the unknown
Yet here I am bypassing these fears – sharing more than I planned to in this blog. Which has actually been the biggest source of happiness I’ve had in my life for longer than I dare to remember. And also another sign that I can do it!
I thank Arbonne for getting me where I am today. The increased confidence. The mindset shift. The promotions. For shining light and beauty on to my fears.
To all those folk that have already forged their own paths. To have made the decision to live each day in the painful unknowing. I am inspired by you!
For now I’m standing up. Being unashamedly me and telling the world (ahem – the few that read my blog) that:
I – Emma Halliday – am a writer!
As I said at the beginning of this post. Living your passion is uncomfortable but now I’ve had a taste of it – I know it is so fucking worth it!
P.s. Another fear and a weakness of mine is asking for help. So here goes….if you’ve liked this or any of my other posts. I would be utterly grateful if you could give them a share.
If you know someone who has a lead into scriptwriting, publishers, magazines etc. I would really welcome an introduction.
If you don’t ask the answer is always going to be no and I’m wanting a yes. Another sign that I’m on the write path!