Yesterday (Saturday 18th Feb) I did 3 things that were not my default, 3 things that were uncomfortable, 3 things that welcomed unease. These 3 actions that would be passed off as insignificant to many, were triumphant to me and fit in perfectly to my year of vulnerability.
The day started with speaking my mind and facing conflict. Not something I am a fan of but I had to step up. Unless I am pushed I tend to keep quiet. It’s a trait I’ve carried through from my childhood. My Auntie loves to tell me how I was so placid as a child – having the patience to endure my cousin’s teasing and tormenting. He would continue to push and push and………….push until I would see red and just lash out. It used to be physical…….his head versus a brick wall! Ahem……but maturity and adulthood turned the physical into lethal words wrapped up in passive aggressive paper. Self development has thankfully taught me to step back, breath and not to act on the defensive so although this is a character trait I have to live with it’s one I rarely let control me. Speaking my mind is going to heavily feature in my year of vulnerability as it’s so important. I’m not going to go around using my opinions to hurt and insult others but I am going to speak up when something truly matters.
As Martin Luther King Jnr said “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter”.
So today was a great step in speaking my truth and coming from a place of authenticity. I am calm inside and that’s when I know I did the right thing – my stomach wasn’t churning with regret or turmoil and I know my conscience is clean.
I had decided earlier in the week that this Saturday would belong to me. I usually have plans on a weekend, if I’m not jumping on a train or coach to spend time out of London, I’m on a personal development course or training event. I love that my diary has something scheduled most of the time but I felt I owed myself a ‘go slow’ day. I stayed in bed long after I woke up, without setting an alarm, my pyjamas (yes pyjamas – this was a dirty word for me until a few months ago. I now have 3 pairs!! What has happened to me?) were still on after midday and I watched some TV. It felt wrong. I felt guilty. Guilty for having a lazy day! I sat with these feelings, had a word with myself, basically telling myself to lighten the f*%k up and embrace the day. I’m nurturing myself and that’s nothing to feel guilty about. Once I made this decision the day lightened up and I had 2 long and great conversations with friends and organised my desk. This wouldn’t have been a possibility if I was elsewhere. Plus I feel that my energy has been recharged – so I am going to make it a priority to schedule more days like this.
The 3rd act to me was the most empowering. I left the house without a bra! I let my boobs hang out. Well not literally hang out. I was wearing a vest, cardigan and jacket (both unbuttoned) but I was braless! And man did it feel good! As many women will testify, that moment when you get home and you take your bra off is such an epic feeling. I’ve definitely been known to emit an accompanying groan to go with it…….like a really satisfying stretch. Thanks to the media, snapping shots of unsuspecting celebrities body shaming them I have not gone braless since my early 20s. If the media is blasting women for nature and gravity being in cahoots, then that means everyone else is looking and judging right? Add to that people thinking they have a right, as a mobile phone owner, to take pictures of others on the sly just to share on social media – to laugh at! And we thought bullying stopped at school! I had no desire to put myself out there, until now. As SELF LOVE and not caring what other people think is a BIGGIE for me in my year of vulnerability– this was the perfect challenge. Many of you will be thinking, erm – wait a minute – you got your full kit off last year in Hull and painted yourself blue, how can going without a bra to your local shops be more empowering? I have 3 words to answer that ‘Safety in Numbers’. I was in the same boat as every other person there. This time this was my own challenge. Do you know what happened when I went out braless?
🔹The man that was staring at me as I walked past, spoke out to say……………my fly was undone.
🔹My nipples stood to attention as I passed the chilled food aisle! Brrrrrrr!!!
So nothing happened. Absolutely nothing!! So many times we spend time worrying about what may happen when most of that time nothing does.
So there you have it. My 3 things. I’m proud of myself and have just stopped typing to pat myself on the back.
I want to leave you with some words that came to me today.
“Would you rather be liked because of what you do or because of who you actually are?”
I’m choosing the latter ❤️
Until the next time xx