Until we break the system and rebuild it with fairness, our tears will still remain. Sometimes they will run harder and stronger and heavier than before, like crying for the first time – a new born gasping at life. Other times, desert dry – numbness in it’s place but still the pain.
Today, my tears ran, shaking my whole body. Hard, hoarse and ugly. Tears for a man 4015 miles away. George Floyd was his name. Killed in broad daylight. His crime? Apparently writing a bad cheque.
The real crime? BEING BLACK
His punishment – having a cop kneel on his neck, making him unable to breath. Another 3 cops, stood around allowing it to happen, watching his life slip away.
I couldn’t watch the video, the image alone was enough. We are in 2020 and there are more memes and anger being circulated discussing people fighting for toilet paper, clapping or raising money for the NHS, politicians being politicians and lizards ruling the world (again)!
Has my social media or Facebook ever been awash with solidarity, anger, disgust about George Floyd or any other innocent black person losing their lives due to racist, incompetent law officials? I think you know the answer to that.
Earlier this week I came across a quote by Krishnamurti:
“It is no matter of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick world”
It clung to me so deep as I realised that I’m a well adjusted person. I manage to live and thrive in a world that is unfair and systematically exclusive. I’ve kept quiet and being a good citizen so I couldn’t have the finger pointed at me and labelled another angry black woman looking to cause trouble and a place to wave the race card. This doesn’t work – you are damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t!
Racism didn’t end with slavery or desegregation. It is still alive playing out in many guises. Something has hit a nerve today and now the past is coming up to remind me that it has been there all along. The difference this time is we have social media and technology to share the injustices.
- Age 6 months old: My white foster mother being told by her mother: “You can’t be bringing a black baby into my house during the day time when the neighbours can see”. My mother knew this wasn’t right and told her mother if I wasn’t accepted she wasn’t accepted. My mother was an Ally – she stood up for what was right. (My grandmother also became an Ally)
- Age 7 or 8 years old: Being chased by a group of young boys, monkey chants at me, screaming “get back on your banana boat”. My cousins and foster siblings covering me from the abuse. They were my Allies – they stood up for what was right.
- Age 18 years old: Having a woman shout in front of me. “There’s a black girl in our house”. The son, who invited me in to said house, stood and watched, didn’t say a word to his mum. Not an Ally!
- Age 19 years old: Being called a nigger* by a Welsh boy in Faliraki. His friends watched on and he got my fist. Not Allies.
- Social media years: I say racism and people give excuses as to why it’s not and try to explain to me why I’m being sensitive. Not allies.
*I usually censor this word and say ‘the N word’ but I felt this needed to be uncensored
Today I went on LinkedIn to read about another racist incident in America. This fortunately did not end in the death of an innocent black man. Most people were there to support the original poster and 2 people were there to troll. Armed with defensive and offensive comments, shouting ‘reverse racism’ and calling people passive aggressive.
Angered, I typed, deleted, typed, deleted and walked away. Some people will not change until the system does – the way to win is not fight the trolls. The way to win is to clear our throats, shatter the silence and pick up Allies. We need the allies.
I get it. It’s hard, it’s heart-breaking, it’s easier to be disgusted but look away. Until we are part of the solution we are part of the problem. Our silence is like a huge thumbs up to the people that are openly inflicting the pain, we don’t like it but it is normal.
It has played out again and again that the lives of black people in America do not matter, unless they are famous. America may be many miles away but they are powerful and what we deem as acceptable there will soon seep into the UK.
Here we already have our ingrained issues. Not just Brexit but in the education system, police force, government offices and health organisations.
Last month I found out that in the UK a black woman is 5 times more likely to die in childbirth. This is not acceptable! Again and again I am seeing tick box exercises pop up in offices that say they are looking at diversity and inclusion, papering over the cracks instead of shattering the system and rebuilding.
I am tired but I have spoken. This is an itch that will not go away and I will continue to look into how I can be more proactive and continue to bring the authentic me to the table.
After work today I had to take myself for a walk to clear my head and try and make sense of it all. It felt like I wouldn’t be able to laugh again. The walk helped. Speaking with a friend helped. I laughed again. Of course I would laugh again.
This time the laughter won’t replace the injustices that live amongst us.
“Please, I can’t breath” was one of the last things George Floyd said before he died.
As long as we can breath, we can speak, we can take action.
Will you be my Ally?
Emma x
Thankyou for writing this ❤️
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Thank you for reading ❤️
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If you read my facebook feed, you wouldn’t think there’s a racist in america. I’ve gotten 100 memes decrying the Minneapolis police and racial injustice. Yet I live in a county where 67% voted for Trump. People put white lives matter bumper stickers and confederate flags on their cars. I simply don’t intersect with the rednecks that surround me. Am I an ally? I don’t know. I don’t support their businesses, but I don’t walk up to them on the street and confront them either. I’ve pretty much given up on america. People who think ‘that way’ are going to continue to think that way no matter what I say to them. I hate to be all superstitious or fatalistic but I think the US problem with the coronavirus is one part arrogance, one part stupidity, and two parts karma. We’re getting what we deserve. This place is a disaster. The people with guns are dangerous. Period. The George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery scenarios will play out again and again and again. It’s been more than 8 years since Trayvon Martin was murdered. What’s changed?
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Hi Jeff. I was patiently waiting for your comment :)so thank you for showing up and telling me how things look where you are. I really appreciate it, hearing responses from people who have to live with policies and ingrained behaviours that affect the rest of the world. As we discussed previously, what happens in the UK doesn’t rock America. I really can’t imagine living over there and seeing red necks, flags and bumpers just out there!! I completely hear what you’re saying that we’re going to see this play out again. I’m an optimist but I’m a realist and humans have being barbaric from the dawn of time. I understand your superstitious thoughts, so many things point to it. Hope you and your family are safe. Sorry I’ve been absent catching up on blogs – looking forward to reading what you’ve been up to – so no spoiler alerts 🙂
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I started thinking how I could be an ally, and I’ve decided to write a blog post called Radio Raheem. If you don’t get the reference, the next thing you do should be to rent Do the Right Thing. At times I get frustrated with my giving up attitude, but seriously. Is it ever going to change?
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*puts Do The Right Thing on the must watch list. I shall look forward to your list. I think frustration is part of the ongoing journey that this is. To keep me going I have to believe yes even though I really can’t see it until the way the government is set up changes.
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Heartbreaking to read.
I like to think I’m an Ally but after reading that I know deep down that my responses are somewhat lacking. I am guilty of the silent disgust.
Thank you – I will work on it ♥️
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Thank you for reading. Appreciate it. I’ve also been guilty of the silent disgust. It happens. It’s hard. It’s about progress 🙂 ❤️
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It’s heart wrenching and I want to tell you that I am an ally…. I feel you.
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Thank you for being an ally ❤️
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Reblogged this on Soans Rezones and commented:
Every life matters!
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Saw this James Baldwin quote written about Ferguson, USA many years ago, ““The law, is meant to be my servant and not my master, still less my torturer and my murderer.” Sad to say that in all the years nothing has changed.
Your blog is beautifully written and from the heart. I like to think I am an ally but feel I am also guilty of the silent disgust. However, the image of George Floyd in his last moments of life will never leave my mind.
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Thank you for sharing the quote, I’d not heard that one from him. I have a lot of reading I’m going to do from the past as the lessons have clearly had no affect on where we are now. They need to be brought into the limelight again. Thanks for your comments my blog, I’m not an academic and struggle to write unless it’s from my heart. I’ve often been guilty of silent disgust or desensitised. Being an Ally, I believe, is continuing progress.
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I feel your pain and heartache, Emma. Thank you for sharing this. I’m horrified by the continued loss of innocent black lives and the appalling racism in American society. I am a white man and an ally living in Arizona.
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Hi Mark, thanks for reading and your comment. I continue to be appalled with how black lives are cast aside even though I know it happens. There are a lot more good people than bad in the world and it’s nice to see the allies raising in number. How is life in Arizona?
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I love it here. My husband and I live in Scottsdale near Phoenix. We have a condo in the Sonoran Desert. It’s a warmer and simpler life than the one we had for many years in Chicago. Expecting a high of 110 degrees today, but the winters and springs are lovely. I’ve written three books since retiring from corporate life…working on the 4th now. Stay well and don’t lose faith in humanity!
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Sounds like a wonderful life you’re living. And onto the 4th book!! That’s truly inspiring.
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Thank you!
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Thank you for writing this ❤️
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Thank you for reading ❤️
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Dear Emma
Justice is a weapon. It can do harm but it can not save or protect others.
I didn’t understand this quote clearly until i read your post.
I have a feeling you might like Robert Mugabe’s speech on Racism
My heart ached as i read your post but aches even more knowing that i haven’t done anything about it.
It is nice to see you write about something so passionately and i can’t take my head off the fact that how unjust our society actually is. Maybe now even i need to take a walk.
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Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I will check out Robert Mugabe’s speech – thanks for the heads up. I hope you enjoyed your walk and that perhaps some part of your heart ache has led to action. I had to take 2 days off social media. It was getting too much for me. I feel better now 🙂
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I did sort the mess in my head during the walk. Thank you so much! I am glad your doing all good now (:
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Loved and hated this Emma but so well put together. It pulled on my every heart string but also confirmed one of my initial thoughts which is George Floyd’s death has erupted so many traumatic experiences for many. The responses we are seeing are not just down to this isolated case. Its years and years of negative racial experiences that have been brush under the carpet. We are deeply hurt and the fustration of having to explain this is devasting. I believe a change is coming ❤
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Damn! So sorry to hear about those crazy experiences. But I feel your pain. The black community is hurting
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It’s so strange as those experiences – awful at the time soon dissipated and I got on with my life. But when shit like this happens it’s like living it all over again x
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