Year of Vulnerability – A Time to Reflect

Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since my ‘year of vulnerability’ went from an idea in my head to this blog.

I had initially planned to split my time on my Facebook page – with videos and Facebook Lives, and on this blog – to provide updates. Well a lot can happen in a year and I decided to focus on my writing so the blog got all my attention.

I say all my attention which is stretching the truth as I haven’t been nearly as consistent as I’d hoped I would be. In my mind I was going to use the space like a private diary, with regular updates but it hasn’t been like that in the slightest.

There have been stretches of time when I haven’t made the time to write a post or I’ve felt so tired and drained from other aspects of my life that I’ve straight up sat back and embraced the lazy in me.

The thing with being lazy is it really doesn’t bode well with my mind. I find myself in such a funk and doing ‘nothing’ – well watching re-runs of Friends and wasting my time looking at nothing in particular on social media – leaves me feeling more drained. It’s like I’ve taken a rest in a nice hot bath which soon cools and feels uncomfortable but I can’t get out of it – as taking action requires more effort.

This hasn’t just affected my ability to be consistent in my blog I’ve also let my exercising and healthy eating cool down too. These are things I know raise my energy levels and keep my mind free of muddled thoughts, which in turn ignites my creativity, but I excuse my way out of it. Remember – I’m tired, drained etc. etc.

Putting being lazy aside and reflecting on this blog – I can hand on heart say – it really has been a huge support for me this year.

This blog post is no.54 which works out as a post a week which I’m pretty proud of. Some posts have been short and sweet whilst others* I truly bared parts of me which led to some truly amazing honest and frank conversations with friends and new readers to my blog.

*The Single Side of Me , Back to Black , The Single Side of Me

I set up this blog to chart my journey to become more vulnerable and be confidently me – my first blog post explains the aim of the year – My year of vulnerability.

I’m not gonna lie – I truly expected some huge, mega, life-changing events to take place – well what can I say? I’m a massive dreamer. On the surface things are practically the same but underneath a shift most certainly has happened. And that’s where it counts. The foundation. That’s where real change takes place and holds.

I can put my hand up and say I am more confident with:

• who I am
• what I look like
• where I’m from
• what I like
• voicing my opinions
• feeling like I matter
• my vulnerability

Am I fixed? No. As I realise there is no ‘fixing’ to be done. I am making peace that life will never be made up solely of calm waters, no matter how hard you try to navigate to that blissful plunge pool. There’ll be storms, rapids, crashing waves and stagnant waters. Such is life.

When I started the blog, apart from expecting a whole new ‘Emma’ to be dancing at the other end of the year, I didn’t think about what would happen when 2017 became a part of history. Hence naming my blog ‘year of vulnerability’!

I am still going to blog but it’s time to turn it up a notch and prove to myself that I can be consistent. I’m going to upgrade the WordPress hosting and change the name of the blog – I’m currently thinking ‘This Vulnerable Life’ but I’m an indecisive so-and-so and that could change by the time we welcome in 2018.

I currently have 77 followers to my blog which I bloody love. It’s not a patch on most of the blogs that I follow but I haven’t been focused on increasing followers. My aims for 2018 are to focus on self-love, create a community on my blog and to inspire other people to be a bit more vulnerable in life and……..drum roll please……….

My New Year’s Resolution

To make my ‘year of vulnerability’ into a book. Gulp!!

So there you have it. I have reflected and put it out there.

This isn’t my last blog post of 2017 but it is the blog post that is laying the foundation for 2018.

Emma x

Instagram: @emmalouhalliday 

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