We are in October! I’ve already lost count of the number of times I’ve overheard people baffled by the month we’re now in. As if they were unaware that it was the month that follows September, which they were also shocked at when it came around.
I can’t believe it’s [insert month] already!
I laugh and take the piss but I am guilty of these conversations too. But seriously, how did we get to October so fast?
With three months left of 2017 I thought it would be a great time to review where I am with my year of vulnerability. Plus, I didn’t really have another topic that I necessarily wanted to write about. Writer’s block if you will! Hence not writing for over a week!
So I read my first ever post on my blog My year of vulnerability 😳 – it was basically about being single – and not wanting to be. And wanting to do better with my business.
10 months into the year and…….
- I’m still single – although at the time of writing this post (22.40pm on 2nd October), I have a date tomorrow.
- I no longer have a business. Nor do I long to have one at the moment. You can read more about my change of heart and letting go of my business goals here – The write path 📝
This makes me laugh, not out loud though, okay I’m exaggerating slightly, I’m not laughing, I’m smirking – as a part of me thought having a blog as a platform to be vulnerable was like stumbling across Aladdin’s lamp, and that in the year to follow I would have ticked off my wants:
But there was no Aladdin’s lamp – which I am grateful for. As if I’d have got what I thought I wanted, that ‘surface-level’ want, I would have been working on a business that wasn’t right for me and who knows what type of boyfriend the lamp would have brought me – shudder!m grateful because having this blog has unearthed in me a strength and courage I didn’t realise I had. I still get clammy palms and a racing heart every time I press ‘publish’ to release another part of my private thoughts, worries, dreams BUT I also take a step closer to appreciating who I am.
During my three month hiatus from Facebook my posts became braver, more raw and my following increased. I now have 57 followers! Which isn’t many in the world of blogging but it means everything to me.
These followers are people I didn’t know before I started my blog. They cheer me on, they support my journey and sometimes a part of what I say resonates with them. If you’re reading this post dear follower – thank you! ❤️
I am also grateful of conversations that have taken place following posts that I’ve made. Conversations that would probably not have happened if I’d kept my thoughts to myself.
When I write I’m not only finding out more about myself but I’m finding out about others too and I know that I’m not on this journey alone.
I never expected to talk openly about losing loved ones, my anxiety and panic attacks, racism, feeling lonely, ugly, stupid…….etc. Like I said at the beginning it was surface level stuff.
I’m so pleased I scratched the surface and have kept on scratching, revealing parts of myself I’ve shielded for too long. As this blog has made something shift inside me and it warms my heart that it has inspired others too.
Who knows what will happen as the final months roll in? Maybe my knight in shining armour will come but if he doesn’t it really doesn’t matter. As it is no longer about that. It has never really been about that.
It’s about me finding happiness in ‘being me’ – unapologetically me!
I’ve also realised that the name of my blog, although catchy, if I do say so myself, is a tad misleading as vulnerability isn’t a {year} destination, it is an ongoing continuous journey.
I’ve signed up to this bad boy for life!
Until the next post. Cheers!
Emma x
Instagram: @emmalouhalliday If you like this post or any other of my blog posts, please feel free to like, comment or share with friends.
I’m so guilty of banging on about how is it October already!! 😂 Really love reading how you’re scratching at that surface (although you’re absolutely beautiful so it makes me sad to think you’d ever consider yourself ugly!) and discovering more parts of yourself and sharing them with us here. Keep writing! Your posts are always a pleasure to read. 🌹 Hope you have a fun date tomorrow! 😄
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Haha! Did October sneak up on you too? 🤣 I’m still a tad scared at how deep I’m going to scratch but hey ho I’m going to keep going. Aww thank you (blushing) I struggle to feel it most of the time as I’m such a sponge to the media. Thanks for reading and your lovely comments 😘 my date was indeed so much fun. I laughed – A LOT!! Watch this space….
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Emma, you’re a treasure. I’d been wondering what would happen when the year was up. Would you stop writing? Would you change the title name? When I saw the title of this post I was afraid that the blog would end when the year ended. But no! You’re signing up for life and the blogging world is the better for it. You vulnerability as you call it is really a strength. It takes a lot of courage to write about what is in your heart and what your wants and needs are. This is the year where you found your strength and I hope it will increase ever more. ❤️💕❤️💕❤️ Oh! Good luck on the date. Can’t wait to hear how it all unfolds.
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Awww Linda. You’re making me blush. Thank you. That means a lot. Yup I’m here for the long haul. I actually did think it would be a year thing as I didn’t think I’d keep it up. So pleased I have. I’m pondering changing the name. What do you think? Aww thank you. I hope my strength continues to increase too. I laughed so much on the date. I’ll report on that shortly. Sending hugs to ya ❤️❤️❤️
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Haha, glad you laughed on your date! As for a title, how about Conquering my Vulnerability? Cause baby, you are! Hugs back!
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Ooh that’s a goodie. I shall sit with that. Thank you 😘
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It’s amazing what a year of blogging can do to a person… good and bad. For me, the sweaty palm thing has gone away. I’m still anxious, but in a more anticipatory way. Here’s to another year!
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Ooh what’s the bad? How long did it take for your sweaty palms to stop? I still get it with public speaking and putting myself out there so maybe I’m just an all time sweaty palm person. Cheers to another year 🤗
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The bad is the same as the good. A better understanding of yourself. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I didn’t realize the sweaty palm thing was gone til I read your post. Maybe took three years or so.
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Aaah I get it now. Sometimes understanding yourself so much can be a burden. I often want to unlearn things as ignorance can be bliss.
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this is pure awesomeness…! I think we are all guilty of those “I can’t believe is already here” conversations… Blogging has become an escape for me one that I look forward to daily.
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Awww thank you. I’m so glad to hear that blogging has helped you too. 😀
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