I’m
A
Woman
Obsessed!
Infact. I’m starting to actually believe I’m……..possessed.
With Facebook!
It’s taken control of me. My mind. My habitual functions. The slip of my hand mindlessly reaching for my phone. A scroll. A like. A glance. A smile. A sigh.
Feeling like I’ve got the extra oxygen I need. Before I repeat. I repeat. I repeat. Over and over again.
No notifications. Is the phone needing to update? Is the site on a go slow?
Notifications. Beam. Oh, I have no interest in them.
Or
Ooh….. that’s interesting. You have my attention. For a moment…….
Yup! Possessed!
I love Facebook. I love the ways it has improved my life. How it’s easy to connect. To find my tribe. To have a voice. To live another part of me. The part that’s not as introverted.
I’m always found on the defensive side when people try and blame Facebook for what is wrong with the world today. Like a caring big sister who can hate on her sibling but woe betide anyone else who tries to!
Knowing deep inside that my defensiveness comes from agreeing with some of the opinions that are aired. I once downloaded an app which tracked where you were spending most of your time on your phone. After the 2nd day – my defensive reaction was to delete the app! Well of course I’m on it all the time. I need it for work! Ahem……
When I first heard about Facebook I was in a relationship with a guy that thought it was a “load of tripe” or words to that effect. As soon as we broke up I didn’t run into the arms of another guy – ready to rock the rebound. No – I joined Facebook.
I believe that’s one of the things that helped get me through a challenging breakup. Facebook was the distraction I needed during the day whilst my super strong sleeping pills took care of the night. (Which I had to use sparingly as the doctor said that one prescription was my lot).
I connected with old friends and started to live an adventurous life. I was opening my eyes to a world outside of Leeds. I started to see what was possible. The places I could go. The things that I could be. I didn’t just see them. I did them.
Facebook saved me.
So actually admitting I have a problem is tough!
It doesn’t help that I’m a procrastinator. Facebook is like catnip to me. Always wanting that extra hit. To find out what’s going on. It’s not all positive though. I unleash the Comparison Cashier and start passive aggressive arguments in my head at something someone has said. Their views. Their opinions. Pitching up camp in my mind.
Too much Facebook and I’m tired and feel guilty. A tad empty inside. In my previous post Partying with Guilt and Fear! I mentioned that I often feel lazy. To which, the feedback I received from a few friends that know me. “Lazy is the last word I would use to describe you”.
And I get why they said that. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been called ‘busy’ and was even embarrassed with the word at one point. I agree, I don’t appear to be lazy as I’m always ‘doing something’. They don’t see the other side though. The time wasted – doing absolutely nothing but aimlessly scrolling until numb. When I have:
- people to text back
- books to read
- documentaries to watch
- items to declutter
- a novel to start
- a blog post to write
I actually started to write this post yesterday at 11.50pm! I said I would be in bed by 11pm. I always lie to myself when it comes to bed times. I get caught up with something that needs to be done/viewed/researched – immediately! Normally on Facebook.
So after almost 10yrs of using Facebook as a crutch. I’ve admitted that a break is called for. Not a long break but a break nonetheless.
I’d decided this some weeks ago but after finishing ‘The Circle’ by Dave Eggers on Monday evening, it was the extra push I needed. It’s a dystopian novel about how technology and social media is taking over our lives.
The book itself was a simple read and kept me engaged. Plus, I could actually see how this could be a reality. People, myself included – I’m up near the front of the queue – are continuously doling out sections of their lives for technology/others to control. Maybe:
- For an easier life
- To always be entertained
- To never be lonely
Lonely!!
And that’s when it struck me!
Although I’ve been single for 10yrs. I ran head first into a different type of relationship. I’d been screwing Facebook!
Longest rebound ever!!
Maybe I thought without Facebook I would be lonely, bored and……..vulnerable?
Not even half way through the book and I knew that I was going to take a break from Facebook. I decided a weekend would be enough. Then increased it to a week and just now I have further increased it to 3 weeks!
To many this isn’t a big deal. But to me – I see my oxygen reserve slipping away. In addition to connecting with friends and stalking. Come on – we all do it! I’ve used Facebook for networking, business and learning. It’s a HUGE part of my life! That statement itself hit a nerve. It’s really quite sad.
A lot can happen in 3 weeks. So I’m excited to see what my creative mind has in store for me. Will letting go of Facebook present a new, tangible love? Will I read more books? Sleep better? Be happier?
It is widely said that it takes 21 days to break/make a habit. So I therefore announce that from 5th-25th June (inclusive) – I will deactivate my Facebook. The messenger will still be on as a way of contact but that is all.
I would love to hear your thoughts on Facebook and social media in general. How attached are you?
I will still be updating my blog – you’ll be able to see new posts via my Twitter and Instagram.
Here’s to me taking control of my life.
Facebook – we are on a break!
Emma x
This Vulnerable life 
Congrats! I know this exact feeling.. I’m the same but with instagram. It’s crazy the toll that social media can have on our lives lol. I’m sure you’ve been so much more productive since z
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Thank you 😊 it’s almost been 5weeks now and I definitely have been more productive. I’m going to continue until the end of July so it will have been 2 months! Yes, social media really does have a pull on us. 😀
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Fabulous! Im on a long train journey (hungover) thinking of all the things i could be doing (work/sleep/talk/read) and spent the past 2 hours scrolling facebook and instagram instead. Think i need to break up with social media too!! Xx
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It’s so easy to get sucked into it. I’m actually really looking forward to this break. Hope your hangover goes soon doll x
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Good for you!!!! It is a hard habit to break and now I hear that “WordPress sound” on my phone, I can’t help but check it out. WordPress is healthier though. Sooo much healthier!
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You write so well! Damn! No one can possibly have a better “why I am on Facebook story” 😀 simply awesome 🙂
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Awww thank you so much for your kind words and for reading my post(s). That has really made my day 😊
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Hey there! I was referred here from your other blog post, but I have to say that Facebook has been in and out of my life for years! I had done the whole leaving, coming back, leaving, in the oh so, dramatic fashion because I thought no one cared if I was there or not, or I was just unhappy seeing their lives were so much better than my own. But Kudos to you on breaking the addiction! I have an internet addiction in general, which in itself is so hard to break. “The Circle” looks like an interesting read, but I started watching the movie adaptation with Tom Hanks and Emma Watson and instantly hated it! Is the book better? How long was it?
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Hey 👋 thanks so much for taking the time to read. I really do love hearing other people’s perspectives and experiences on everything I write. Aah a yo-yo Facebook diet. What was the longest time you spent off it and where did your time go? Facebook now since the break I can take or leave. I’ve noticed I don’t get too involved like I used to. Now that’s instagram. Haha! I had to steer off Twitter as that was too fast and intense for me. I found the concept of The Circle really significant for where we currently are with Technology. Therefore some of the ideas were scary as we may be closer than we think to them. I try my best not to be a book snob but I wasn’t keen on the way it was written or the characters. I persevered and now my housemate is reading it. I’m enjoying it more with her telling me her thoughts and then us having a discussion about it. 😂 we said we’re your to watch the film when she’s done – I love Tom Hanks – what did you hate about it? The books a chunky read – over 600 pages.
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No problem! I actually look forward to your posts, they inspire me, and I am so proud of all your bravery, (especially that naked photo with the books), that was so ballsy! Anyway, I spent almost 2 years off of Facebook believe it or not, and periods where I took long breaks like that over the years. I LOVE Facebook now, more today than ever before, only because I find such joy in connecting with the wonderful people I have on there. (I had did a major “friends” clean-up where i am now down to 120 friends total. As far as Instagram, I haven’t even ventured there, but since I am not really a “picture” person, I really have no use for it. As for Twitter, I LOVE it there, but much like Facebook, I am only following very few people, who don’t post like 10,000 different things where my Feed can be overwhelming. And Twitter also has other fun uses like following along with a favorite TV show, in my case Star Trek. I have been enjoying the camaraderie with fellow Trekkies. As far as “The Circle” goes, the movie was very poorly done, and very cliche. It wasn’t up to the Tom Hanks’ caliber that I am used to in his Films. I will admit I only watched 20 minutes, but only because it was PAINFUL to watch. I will definitely try the book though, because the concept does sound interesting!
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Awww thank you. This made me smile after a really long day. I’m on my period so have been in pain all day and I got to my hotel and it didn’t have a bath. I would have usually just put up with it but I thought why not ask and I did and it was okay. I wouldn’t have had the courage to do that before. Alas. I almost didn’t post that pic as I still work and not in a creative field so Work me and author me are the same but different. Wow – 2yrs is a long time. What made you go back after that amount of time? If used properly all these social media sites can make some great connections. Do you have to give yourself time limits with Twitter? It just sucked so much time for me. Aaah Tom, maybe he liked the concept too! 😂 I’ve promised my housemate we’ll watch the film together when she’s finished so will see how I fare before I want to turn off. X
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Aw, I am so happy I was able to make you smile! I totally am in awe of the bravery it took to put yourself out there, whether or not it was a good idea, (in regards to your career), but it was still remarkable to witness.
I stayed off Facebook, because well, I don’t know if you ever read my blog but I am bipolar, and during a very crazy psychotic episode, I basically made a post on there years ago, calling everyone liars, fake and told them all the fuck off. Granted, I think at that time, I was kinda sick to my stomach with the whole “going to the grocery store now” “heading to Walmart” posts. Like WTF, who the fuck cares where the fuck you’re going? Do you really need to check in everywhere? And that compounded with how incredibly angry I can get when I am in one of my moods just sealed the deal. And you know, after that all blew over, I just forgot about Facebook. You know, I was a little worried that some people on there would still be angry about that post, but that’s not what kept me away, it was just mostly like “out of sight, out of mind” for me.
As for Twitter, I totally have time limits. I am on Twitter to tune in to my Star Trek shows, tweet about it with my friends (because we are all watching at the same time, that’s what’s so cool about it) and then log out. No muss, no fuss. Moderation honey, all about moderation! Well, you’ve got to tell me how the “Circle” is when you get your hands on it, I might just give it a second chance if you like it!!
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Thank you 🙂 I find myself slowly pushing myself further and further out of my comfort zone yet I still lack courage in other areas at times. e.g. yesterday I was in a meeting with a lot of higher management – I was silent for most of it. I couldn’t find my voice.
I haven’t yet had a look at your blog but I will be sure to 🙂 Is your bipolar something that you can manage or does it just happen regardless? Sorry if this is a basic question – I don’t know much about it. I can totally see your point about the people checking in – one thing that social media (Facebook in particular) has done has shown what goes on in so many peoples lives/minds. Yes, agree – Facebook after a while is like out of sight, out of mind – I could have easily stayed off so it’s the least of my worries when I have my break. I’m still really upset about not reading. Waaah! I think I’m going to buy a jigsaw – that will be a great mindfulness activity.
That’s ace that you have a twitter community – I can imagine that being really fun, knowing you’re all watching something at the same time. That’s social media bringing people closer.
So my housemate updated me. She’ll be finished soon, next week I’m on a media break so the week after we’ll watch it. I shall keep you posted. x
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Hey there! In regards to your bipolar question, I have been managing it with medication. I don’t really care what anyone says really, it does the job better than anything else. There was a point where I went medication-free, but the symptoms CAME BACK ON THEIR OWN!! I was in a total WTF moment. Like it wasn’t even symptoms I could calm down like self-care, meditation etc, it was like full-blown psychosis girl!! Scary as hell!!
Anyway, I am sorry it took this long for me to get back to you. I hope you have been doing well with your Facebook addiction. Did you get too see The Circle yet? What did your roommate say about it?
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